I bought my father-in-law a $50 Amazon gift card for his birthday.
(Please, hold your applause. My overwhelming generosity is NOT the point of this story.)
The circumstances are important here.
When I purchased the gift card, I was sitting with my father-in-law (imagine an 81-yr-old Barney Rubble on oxygen).
And because I was sending the gift card digitally, and he’s, ya know, 81 and a little skittish around “computer stuff”, I verbally confirmed with him the best email address to send it to.
And send it I did.
So, we eat cake, we sing songs, we laugh at the same stories we’ve been telling for twenty years, he beats us in poker…
Everyone goes home happy.
TWO DAYS LATER, THE FUN WOULD END
That’s when I discovered that Bob had NOT received the gift card in his email.
I thought to ask him because in my email I received a “thank you” for the same gift card from a woman named “Janet B.”
“Who the hell is Janet B.?” I wondered aloud to my beagle Jessie, who looked up from her nap as if to say, “F*ck would I know?”
I rolled the name over in my mind.
Could this be a friend of the family who helps Bob with computer stuff?
Had I haphazardly uncovered my father-in-law’s secret porn alias?
Could Amazon have sent his gift card to the WRONG person?
Turns out all 3 were true!
Kidding. (Although that would be the ultimate punchline to this story.)
Here’s what happened: without rehashing all the sordid details of my month’s long journey through the humanless (that includes the humans) Amazon customer support hamster habitat…
Ultimately, Amazon, while acknowledging that the email I used does indeed match Bob’s exactly…
… and they have no idea who Janet B is either…
… they still REFUSE to reimburse me the $50.
Despite the fact that I’ve been a Prime member for as long as I can remember – with a sterling record of active use.
(I’m actually embarrassed at how often those trucks stop in front of my house to deliver shit I forgot about ordering, like a universal TV zapper and a black wig…
(literally arrived while writing this)
I subscribe to several monthly items (oat milk, coffee pods, dog food)…
And, aside from that one rage post about chintzy hat feathers, I’m someone who goes out of their way to contribute helpful reviews.
If Amazon were rating me as a customer, I can’t see getting less than 5-stars.
Yet, when something goes wrong, I get the giant metal dock bay door slammed in my face.
Here’s where this matters to you as a freelance copywriter…
Because the climax of this story should be how I’m vowing to quit Amazon for good.
Returning to the neighborhood stores for everyday stuff I order on a whim, as well as the specialty items it sucks to run out of the moment you need them.
But, that’s NOT how this ends.
I’m not rallying against Amazon.
Yes, I am “thinking twice” before mindlessly tossing items into my shopping cart like a sugared-up 6-yr-old at Walmart…
But… in reality…
Fighting the beast is futile.
Despite my personal standard for basic human dignity being shat upon by their ruthless support policies…
Despite my affection for local merchants…
Despite Jeff Bezos being a total knob…
The only one I’d be punishing for banning the ‘zon would be me.
Why does this matter to freelance copywriters?
It’s further proof that Artificial Intelligence is taking over, and there is no stopping the monster.
Amazon went from being an online bookstore to the largest online retailer in the world because of its systems, and those systems are fueled by AI.
If you run out of toothpaste while brushing before bed, you can tell Alexa and she will have it at your door before you finish your coffee the next morning.
Are you taking your stank mouth to the store and risking a neighborly chat in the toothpaste aisle?
Or are you letting your own personal Pepper Pots take sweet care of you?
“OK, wow, Kev. Still not getting what this has to do with freelance copywriting.”
It’s the AI, man!
The beast is already capable of writing basic content and copy. And it’s learning and improving every day.
So, unless you’re specializing, your days are numbered.
As in, a super low number. Very countable.
To survive – and thrive – as a creative service provider in 2022, you have got to bring YOU to the gig.
It’s time to discover and develop what you provide UNIQUELY – that no one else, human nor robot, ever can.
If you’re starting from scratch you still have time.
You can survive the coming slaughter IF you start developing your special skills NOW.
The best place to start is by going through my Escape Velocity copywriting course that begins June 1.
It’s a 10-week course that will build your portfolio of special skills as we go, so you can get started growing your freelance business the right way – right away.
Go here to see what it’s all about and be sure to register before June 1.
My first live coaching call with you is on June 8th. It’s my favorite thing – coaching freelance copywriters.
I’ve been at it longer than anyone, and the results of our students (and their clients) speak volumes about the quality of our courses.
Together we can stay ahead of the beast.
And if you run into Bezos, tell him he owes me fifty dollars.
Let’s rock n roll!
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