The Turn Within, thoughts on “The Middle Passage” by James Hollis

The most powerful book I’ve consumed in the last decade is “The Middle Passage” by James Hollis.

I’m on my second reading now. 

The simple premise is that, what most people refer to as a “crisis” in midlife, is actually a very natural, and quite necessary, transition. 

My friend Joe recommended it to me, almost in passing. I could have easily missed or forgotten about it. 

I latched on, though, because I was searching. 

More than searching, actually. 

I was beginning to believe I was deeply flawed. 

See, in what Hollis calls the Middle Passage, you are shedding your first adulthood and transitioning into your second adulthood. 

This typically happens somewhere between the ages of 45-60. (Although I know people as young as 30 who seem to be entering the Middle Passage.) 

And it’s understandable why so many consider it a “crisis.”

The common response to this phase of life is a desperate latching on to everything you’ve identified with in your first adulthood. (Such as the stereotypical graybeard who buys a Corvette hoping to impress younger women.)

When someone you’ve known to be one way suddenly starts behaving a different way, assuming that they are experiencing a crisis is an easy box to toss their weirdness into. 

One way we judge people is on consistency of character. That is, if we approve of their character. If we don’t, we judge them on their ability to change. 

But what if there comes a point when consistency is actually stifling your progression?

At what age is it appropriate to stop changing who you are, what you believe, and how you approach life

“Crisis” is, in fact, an apt assessment of people who grasp for their younger days in midlife. It’s a weak response, deserving of our cringing reaction. Much harder is to accept change and let go of what we’ve known.

Letting go of your identity is hard. 

Maybe the hardest thing we’ll ever do. 

Consider that your entire life; your family, your occupation, every one of your accomplishments, all the people you know, and who think they know you, are tied to your identity.

It’s understandable that very few people are willing to rethink it, or even know that they can, and should.

I certainly didn’t.

Yet, in the opening words of the book, I knew Hollis understood (and had examined deeply through his psychoanalysis) exactly what I was going through…

“The midlife crisis, which I prefer to call the Middle Passage, presents us with an opportunity to reexamine our lives and to ask the sometimes frightening, always liberating question: “Who am I apart from my history and the roles I’ve played?”

Daunting stuff. 

Even more daunting–especially for us who produce and consume so much training–is that Hollis offers no instructions on how to manage the Middle Passage.

There isn’t a quiz, or a checklist…  No set of rules, mantras, or even suggestions on how to maneuver through it. 

Just awareness, and (for me, at least) relief that I wasn’t losing my mind.

Which, I have to admit, made it all the more meaningful to discover. 

If I was sold a “Middle Passage Journal and Daily Calendar” bundle, I’d likely have checked the “handled” box in my brain and never moved forward. 

Instead, I’m left with only the understanding that change is necessary. What it looks like and how I’ll know when it has occurred is my mystery to solve. 

Or, better said: my journey to accept.

So, there is no lesson for me to give today. Except to say, if you feel restless and occasionally empty inside about the things that used to light you up and bring you reward…

It’s normal, and necessary. 

Lean into it. 

And, definitely, read the book.