How to get what you want

The first step towards getting what you want is to know what you want, and why you want it. 

Without the mighty “why” you will struggle to muster the motivation for going after it. 

And let’s forget about money for today. 

Money is but a resource. It comes and goes and flows in strange ways. Holding it too tightly can restrict its flow; too loosely and it will get away. Adjust your grip accordingly. 

The true test of determination (the “why”)  is when you want something that is seemingly unavailable at any price. 

A sufficiently strong “why” will force you to get creative.

Creativity is an essential ingredient in negotiation, giving writers a great advantage. 

A fun example: 

In November of 2019 my wife, Michelle, and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary with a trip to Paris. 

It was magical. 

We purposely set no agenda so that every moment would be one of pure discovery, which felt like an accurate analogy for our amazing journey together.  

Only one event during the trip threatened our rule of spontaneity. 

The Black Pumas were playing a sold-out show at a club in Paris during our time there. 

At the time, the band’s debut record was our favorite. We shared it with everyone and everyone loved it as much as we did. Magnifying the band’s significance in our lives.

It felt like fate that they would play a show in Paris at a club while we were in town. 

Sold out or not, I was determined to get us into that show. 

With my “why” intact, I reached out to anyone I knew in Paris, no matter how loose the relationship, to ask if they happened to know anything about this band, or the club (La Boule Noire) they were playing, that might help my chances of scoring tickets. 

Despite some earnest efforts, nobody I knew could help.

The night before the concert, Michelle and I were nestled into a table on the balcony of a jazz club, soaking in the moment.

She was content with the fact the Pumas show was not in the cards, but I wasn’t ready to give up. 

I proposed that we just show up to the club and hope to find a scalper. Michelle didn’t like this idea. 

We were unfamiliar with the area where the club was located, spoke zero French between us, and didn’t want to be those annoying Americans asking people if they were willing to sell something they clearly valued more than the money they had traded for it. 

Maybe I could make a sign that said: Des billets supplémentaires? Désolé, je ne parle qu’anglais. 

Which, according to Google translate, would read: “Extra tickets? Sorry, I only speak English.”

“Absolutely not!” Michelle replied, wincing at the idea. “I mean, you can…”

Which is wifespeak for, “You’re free to do the lamest thing imaginable if you want, but don’t drag me into it.”

She was right, I probably wouldn’t be doing that. 

So, I pulled out my phone and threw a Hail Mary. 

I messaged the band via Facebook… 

To my surprise, I received a response within minutes…

OKAY! There are fish in this pond and I’ve got one on the line!

Now, I needed to give more context – without begging.

Emily! My first and only beacon of hope in this quest. 

I had to show determination without making it weird. Her only motivation would be to please a fan…

Most likely, if she cared at all, she would click over to my profile and see that I wasn’t a complete freak or freeloader, and, via photos we’d posted, that Michelle and I were, in fact, celebrating 20 years together in Paris. 

Apparently, she did!

Because this is the message she sent me an hour later:

HOOOOOOLY SMOKES!

It worked.

We were in. Compliments of the band! 

Un-friggin-believable.

In the 45 years since the term Hail Mary was coined in American football to signify ‘a last second pass thrown up for grabs towards the end zone’… 

Only 33 Hail Mary passes have succeeded. Less than 10%.

Bad odds. 

But 33 times games that would have been lost, were instead won. A team and its fans pulled from the jaws of defeat in a moment they’d be talking about for the rest of their lives. 

All I had to do was plant my feet and heave the ball.

Emily leapt from her feet, in a graceful, perfectly timed catch position and scored the winning touchdown. 

I texted back…

The show was incredible. Dancing to your favorite music in a room packed with French people is good for the soul. Highly recommend. 

After the show we chatted with some members of the band, sharing our story about Emily hooking us up last minute. 

They loved hearing it. “Oh yeah, Emily is the best.”

The experience shook something loose in my psyche… This idea that everything you want is “gettable” if you really want it. 

Since then, I’ve developed this habit of talking to everyone I meet as if I’ve known them forever. 

Old folks at the grocery store… people I meet at conferences… customer support reps.

It’s fascinating how people respond more to tone, far more than the words you’re using. And how quickly you can break through the walls we all keep up around us by skipping past the formalities. 

(Next time you finally get a support rep on the line, open with: “How are they treating you today, Denise? Good I hope.” You won’t believe the difference.)

So, if you want something, and you’re really sure about wanting it – and why… 

Refuse to stop at “No” and put your copywriting skills to use. 

Because, most of the time, “what’s in it for them” is to feel good about helping you get what you want.